The Fear of Facing the Truth in Systemic Constellations

Have you ever felt afraid of discovering the truth? That fear itself might be a sign that you are on the threshold of change and healing.

As a constellation facilitator, I also ask colleagues to do constellations for me—not always about my family, but sometimes to look at a situation and my own attitude toward it. Having someone else guide my thoughts is helpful. Yet before a constellation, I often feel afraid of seeing what I have not yet been able to see. At times, I even worried I might start crying before I had spoken a word.

Participants in group constellations or clients in individual sessions often laugh to cover embarrassment or unease. I never expose that, but I understand it—it's a protective layer. Because the deeper truth, usually avoided or only vaguely sensed, inevitably comes to light in constellations. And when it suddenly becomes clear and undeniable, it can be terrifying. I know this fear well, because I’ve faced it myself.

When I encounter fear of the truth, my response differs in group work and in one-on-one sessions. In a group, I might ask: “Do you want to continue? Or is there something else you’d like to explore?” The choice always lies with the client. Systemic images cannot be hidden; the only question is whether they need to be spoken and revealed. The important part is: the client has already seen it—their mind has begun processing the impact of what was revealed.

In one-on-one constellations, I give clients more time to consider what they need next. Because there, they are facing themselves directly. Words spoken by others can always be dismissed as invented or untrue. But what we uncover in our own system is much harder to deny.

Some clients try to hide behind laughter, or use skepticism to weaken a possible truth. But from my perspective as a facilitator: I do not criticize, I do not judge. What matters to me is only whether what you feel in that moment serves you. Pain may be part of it—it often is when we begin to accept a truth.

One time, a friend came for a constellation. He shared little, but the system revealed that he had suicidal thoughts. While he laughed awkwardly, I felt deep despair and helplessness. Why didn’t what I saw, heard, and felt match? Whether my perception was “reasonable” didn’t matter—the only thing I wished was for his thoughts to shift toward a more positive direction.

As a facilitator, my focus is always on the client’s feelings. Gossip and curiosity disappear completely. The weight of a moment of despair or the sudden clarity of insight cannot be reproduced—and do not need to be. These moments affect not only the client, but also me as a facilitator. That’s why anonymous case stories can only stay on the surface—and yet they are enough, because those in similar situations can still resonate. If someone feels nothing, it simply means: it’s not their issue.

In my own constellations, I am often the one who cries—because I deeply want to explore, and at the same time, I am afraid to face what will appear. Systemic constellations are a bittersweet process: intense, real, and healing. I remain grateful for the trust of my clients. Each system is like a powerful film unfolding before me.

Perhaps you, too, are facing the fear of whether to look truth in the eye. Please see this fear as a reminder: it signals that transformation and healing are possible. <The original text is written in Chinese. This is a translation with help of AI.>